Best Egg-Free Chocolate Chip Cookie EVER...really

Chocolate chip cookies are a good recipe to have up your sleeve. You never know when a C.C.C.E. (that's Chocolate Chip Cookie Emergency, for the lay person), may hit. I've got the rundown for you on what qualifies as a C.C.C.E.

1. PMS
2. Peace offering to the Hubs for spending too much at the craft store.
3. Bribing children to eat their food.
4. A counter-productive reward for doing lunges.
5. A tasty replacement for a frisbee (when and if a frisbee replacement was ever an emergency).

So there are a couple special things about this cookie. It's a riff on the famous Nieman Marcus cookie...the real one. Not the one that floated around in forwarded emails in the mid-nineties. Not the one that requires you to blend oatmeal and grate chocolate. Unfortunately, I made my fair share of the faux cookie during my time working in a coffee shop, hence the shabby knuckles. This is far more simple.

Also, this is an egg-free cookie, not originally, but I made it so. Not vegan, but you could easily make it vegan by replacing the butter with shortening. I think  it would work fine, but don't quote me on it. I'm merely guessing. But yes, no eggs! I'll share my secret weapon with you.

Ener-G Egg Replacer! This stuff is so awesome...even if this picture is not. LAME-O.

This has worked beautifully in many baked items I've made, other things not so much. I tried it once in homemade pudding...horrible. Tasted like paste. If you are using it in a heavier baked good, such as a chocolate loaf or pound cake, it may not rise properly. But for cookies, it rocks! It's mainly potato starch and it creates a crisp exterior that eggs simply cannot achieve.

When we found out my son had an egg allergy, I immediately started crossing off the list all the things I thought he couldn't have. But this egg replacer has been such a help. I make all my baked goods egg-free now and he can enjoy them with everyone else. It's also great to use in baked items that you are giving to babies or toddlers if you are wary they may be allergic to eggs.

Foodie House Version

of

Nieman Marcus Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

I'm going to give you the double batch recipe. This makes 16 giant cookies or 30 something smaller ones.

2 sticks soften butter (or one cup veggie shortening, for vegans)

2 cups brown sugar

6 tbsp. granulated sugar

1 tbsp. Ener-G Egg Replacer PLUS 5 tbsp. water, mix well (this is more water than what the box would tell you. Also, if you are not making this egg-free, this is where you would put 2 eggs)

4 tsp. vanilla extract

3 1/2 cups flour

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. salt

1 tbsp. instant espresso (I don't usually add this, just because I don't want the kids to have the caffeine, but it tastes delicious!)

1-1 1/2 cups dark chocolate chunks ( I don't like a TON of chocolate chips in my cookies. I normally add just 1 cup. I know most people like a bunch. Just add what you like.)

Preheat oven to 300 degrees (that's not a typo, it's an unusual temperature to bake cookies at but it works great!). Cream butter and sugars until fluffy. Add egg or egg-replacer and water mixture and vanilla. Mix dry ingredients together. Add to butter mixture. Beat in coffee powder, then stir in chocolate. Scoop onto cookie tray (I use a silpat liner or parchment) and gently press down tops. Bake for 18 minutes for smaller ones or 22 minutes for large ones. I always let them rest on the cookie sheet for 5 minutes before transferring them to a cooling rack.

Enjoy, Foodies! Love ya.

Read Your Veggies!

I spent twenty minutes in 100 degree heat arranging bits of vegetation into a word. I was in complete awe of how a green bean can grow into a perfect circle or "u" shape. I can't let that pass by me without doing something with it can I? 

What a merciless taskmaster Inspiration is. She doesn't care how hot it is outside, she only cares that you craft!

(Now that you have that in-depth preface)

I slithered back into the house, glistening with sweat, breathing a little heavier from my crafty-sweatshop workout and I proudly showed my husband the above picture on my camera's play back mode.

Hubs: (comfortably sitting in his recliner, playing dorky bird game on his iphone. Stares at the picture, squints, says nothing)

Me: (waiting with a goofy smile on my face, while intently watching his face for a reaction)

Hubs: (stills says nothing)

Me: Can't you read it?!

Hubs: No. Wait, "gorcen"?

Me: Huh? (I look back at the play back screen, searching for "gorcen")

Hubs: What's that supposed to be? (points at the yellow cucumber flower)

Me: That's an "a". (as soon as I say it, I see how it's not so much like an "a")

Hubs: Oh, that's a "d". (pointing to the chili pepper and near invisible thyme sprig)

As I walk into the kitchen, I take time to toot my own horn on how creative I thought it was and how adorable the vegetables were, my voice trailing off behind me. From there I schlepped my deflated-balloon self to my computer to upload my un-readable vegetable word. Wah, wah.

I hate it when you craft in Sahara-like temperatures and you get no reaction, no reaction at all, I tell ya!

That's all. Just a little something to share. 

It says "garden" by the way. But I know you guys got it, right?

Love ya, Foodies!

Chic Guacamole

You may be saying, "Lauren, 'chic' is not the first word that comes to my mind when I think of guacamole." I understand, it's weird. But let's think of it in a fashion sense, shall we?

What's the chicest thing you can think of when it comes to fashion? What is timeless? My first thought is the little black dress. Simple, classic and does not draw attention to itself but to the one wearing it. (I'm not implying you wear this guacamole, although, you may in your ravenous state and utter euphoria, end up with a schmear here or there.)

When I think "chic" I also think, uncluttered.

I hate cluttered guacamole. The saying, "less is more" is definitely appropriate here, as it is with fashion. I'm against all forms of tomatoes in my guac and I am abhorred by garlic (some my be gasping at this moment), I don't want corn or beans or cilantro or mayo (!), but here is why.

I want to taste the avocado. I've just paid $4 for 2 organic avocados (and that was on sale!). I don't want to taste garlic or have a seedy, watery tomato fighting with my creamy, smooth super-food.

So I have stripped down what I usually end up getting if I were to order guacamole in a restaurant and have created for you a simple, easy guacamole that will not only cut back on buying a butt-load of ingredients but will let you taste what nature intended.

Chic Guacamole

2 perfectly-ripe, organic avocados

1/2 green onion, minced

1/2 jalapeno, minced

Juice of 1/2 -3/4 fresh lime

Salt

Mash it all together. Adjust for salt and spice. Go crazy on the jalapenos or use whatever pepper is your favorite. And if you want to make it even simpler, cut out the onions and peppers and simply use salt and lime. Such a summery treat!

Love ya, Foodies!

A Duo Of Nap Time Snacks

I don't quite know what it is, but when nap time rolls around, I tend to celebrate with a snack. It could be for a couple of reasons: A. I didn't get to eat much of a lunch (as I am more of a short-order cook rather than a diner in my own house during the frenzied lunchtime rush of my three children). B. I simply get so excited about having some peace and quiet that I yank the Nutella out of the pantry with exaggerated Kung-Fu moves.

One snack is healthy the other is is not. I like giving my readers options, ya know? You like that, right?

I adore cottage cheese. I have very fond memories of eating bowlfuls of the stuff with canned peaches and pears (in heavy syrup, of course) over the top. Well, nowadays, I don't do canned fruit. So here's my updated and more healthy version, which honestly tastes better.

1/2 cup lowfat, organic cottage cheese
1/2 organic peach or pear, sliced
drizzle of raw, organic agave
One issue House Beautiful or Food and Wine magazine

You could layer it into a parfait or do like I did, make it all dainty in a tea cup. Whatever suits your nap time (or anytime really) hankerings.

Alright, so the above is super healthy. This little guy below...not so much.

He looks kinda dejected, huh? He's not really. I accepted him heartily and fully into my giant mouth of pearly chompers. Gosh, it was so good. What is this unhealthy-ish snack? Well, maybe it's not too unhealthy. Two out of the 3 ingredients are actually pretty good for you. It's that dang Nutella.

So stack these three ingredients up for a super satisfying (mainly for the sweet tooth in us all) snack:

One brown rice cake
One heaping tablespoon Nutella (don't be chintzy!)
6-7 sliced banana
Dash of Kung-Fu moves (optional)

It's not only the taste that is so great, but the textures. If you have been reading this blog for any time at all, you know that I am huge on texture. Most things I eat need to have some form of crunch or it's just not worth eating. The creaminess of the bananas and Nutella play beautifully together. Add a glass of milk and you just entered snack time heaven.

Being a stay-at-home mommy is a hard job, but your snacks don't have to be! That sounded like a commercial on much-too-late night t.v.

Well, Foodies, whether you are a stay-at-home mommy, working mommy, not-a-mommy or daddy, everyone needs a good snack. Maybe I will make snack posts a regular thing. I've got some more yummy ones up my sleeve.

Love ya, Foodies!

Baby Veg

 Okay, so from the above picture you might surmise that I enjoy delegating, managing, holding shovels in a sassy fashion or I'm lazy.  I'm learning to be better at delegating, I'm a good at managing my kids, definitely a cute shovel-holder and lazy only occasionally. I actually dug the entire garden alla myself (in a hurried/frenzied fashion during a nap-time lull) and had the Hubs do the tiller because the tiller makes me giggle and when I giggle, I get week arms and if you've ever used a tiller its extremely unsafe to be struck with giggling-induced weak arms because the tiller goes nutso-crazy on you like a jackrabbit on crack. Hence, the beefy man doing the tilling.

Phew.

So I've been raising seedlings indoors since March or April. We've got three varieties of organic tomatoes: Brandywine, cherry and some sort of flaming (?) Romas. They seriously look like they have yellow, stripey flames on them. We have parsley, pickling cucumbers and green beans. A variety of hot peppers for the Hubs. I've never grown green beans or grown tomatoes from seed. It was quite an enormous undertaking as far as the tomatoes go. They are so very delicate and require so much attention. I felt like my family grew to 45 children over night.

Cucumbers are probably my favorite thing to grow. They are so fool-proof. They grow like mad, so they really stroke your gardening-ego. They make you feel so accomplished. They have this naturally super-poky exterior on the leaves, stems and even the fruit itself so I never have worms or rabbits trying to eat it.

The green beans, other than herbs, have been my first harvest! I have been collecting tiny handfuls each evening until I came up with enough to justify cooking them. I feel strangely attached to these little guys. I've nurtured them, sang to them (yes, I sing to my garden. Trust me, it saved a wimpy tomato plant), weeded their bed and cooed over each little purple flower. Ready to throw-up? I REALLY love my little garden.

So it felt a slightly weird cooking up my green bean babies, but I was quickly over their death as I enjoyed every buttery bite. I simply steamed them in a pan with butter and salt and a dash of water. I topped them again with a wad of butter just before the Hubs and I recklessly dangled each one over our mouths and ate them more like popcorn than a proper bean. All the while smacking our lips, commenting on the fresh taste and sucking the butter from our fingertips.

They were sweet. They were perfectly tender. I have to say, I inhaled them.

And that was that. The first fruits of my garden. It was bittersweet. I raised them and then I ate them. I can't imagine doing that with an animal. Ugh. I'd surely be converted to a vegetarian.

Sorry to be so sappy over my baby beans, but I mean...just look at them? Coochie-coo!

 Crazy dill. It's ready for pickling but the cucumbers are dragging behind. Hurry up cucs!

 So here is what the garden is now. It's much too cramped, overgrown and a plant free-for-all. I have 9 tomato plants crammed in next to each other- very much against the seed packet's instructions. I crammed so many in because I could bear letting some get in the garden and others not. I asked my neighbors if they would adopt my surplus tomato babies, er, plants. I basically made them sign an adoption agreement to nourish and take care of them. Okay, so I didn't, I just gave them the 'ol stink eye as I handed the baby plants over.

Curious about those wonky, ladder-ish things? I got them out of someone's trash. I pick up stuff out of people's trash occasionally. Not nasty trash, nice trash from the nice neighborhoods. You know, where they throw out stuff that's still useful, but they just have no use for it, which makes it perfect for me! Anyway, those ugly things are for my beans and cucumbers to grow up since my garden is a postage stamp size. Having things grow up helps a lot.

As I write this, I am realizing with great clarity my weirdo-plant love I have. I'm really attached. Hmmm.

 

Nuzzling my manicured toes in with the parsley. I have garden clogs...but honestly, who cares? I love my feet in the dirt- that is, until the Hubs points out the clods of mud still clinging to the sides of my rustic, farmer feet.

Dig in the dirt and plant something. (Al Gore didn't tell me to tell you that.)

Love ya, Foodies.

The Whole Dole

It's warming up outside. It's time for popsicles and ice cream. Time to eat your frozen treats in total abandonment with sticky, grape, orange and cherry stains to match the love fest.

That's why I strip my kids down to their undies to eat such treats. And I hate laundry.

With that said, I'm not so big on pre-made, processed frozen treats. They're okay once in a while, but I much prefer the kiddos getting their treat fix with natural juice pops or whole fruit "ice cream", which they can eat with their clothes on, because apple juice doesn't stain (or make your kids crazy) like red dye 40.

I guess I should teach my kids the word sorbet. Apparently I don't want them to look like junior food snobs when they play with the other four year old kids. (read next sentence in a hoity-toity voice.) "We had a palate cleansing dish of sorbet between our first and second course. What did your mom make?"

So the "whole dole" is like the whole enchilada, or shebang, or...you know what, I don't need to explain. You get it. It's everything. The whole pineapple. (I teach workshops on how to rabbit trail, if you are interested.)

I got this idea this morning. Instead of super sugary sorbet, or super fatty ice cream, why not save my fleeting waistline and feed my kids some extra fiber, by blending an entire pineapple, freezing it in the ice cream maker and calling it the "whole dole" sorbet?

Earth-shaking, I know.

Side note on the whole fiber thing. I LOVE chomping on the core of the pineapple. It's fibrous texture and juicy, watery content satisfies that need-to-gnaw-on-something/puppy dog nature of mine.
 
Well, I believe one could, if one was so inclined, could give oneself diarrhea by chewing and consuming one too many pineapple cores. It's merely heresay. I may know a girl who did that, once.

The Whole Dole Sorbet

1 whole, fresh, ripe pineapple

Take off it's jacket, remove core, chew on the core, lop the flesh it into chunks and whiz away into oblivion in the food processor. Pour into ice cream maker and freeze. It comes out almost fluffy. I think air gets whipped into it in the food processor. Interesting texture.

Word on the sorbet firmness...I'm weird about making homemade sorbet. It must be eaten immediately after it's made. I find that homemade sorbet, when frozen in the freezer after its jaunt in the ice cream maker is, well, solid as a rock. It looses it slushy texture. So while we are all eating our dinner, I have the sorbet churning away. It's a great incentive for slow and picky eaters, to hurry up and eat. The soft and gentle whirring sound of the ice cream maker as it goes round and round is like kid-brainwashing that sends this message: "Eat your food, child. Eat!"

We are going to be eating a lot more sorbet around here.

Love Ya, Friends.

Tina Fey Interview

When adoration and imagination run a muck:

(Tina and I sit in plush, matching recliners while balancing plates of Night Cheese on our laps and wearing Snuggies. And yes, she is interviewing ME, not the other way around. That should give you a hint to the reality of this "interview".)

LZ: Tina, let me say before we even get started, that I knew something good was going to happen today when I saw that my speedometer read, 77,777. 

TF: Mine too! So Lauren, believe it or not, I've brought you here to my home to talk to you about the array of dishes you created out of a Costco-size, bag of limes.

LZ: Really, Tina? Are you sure it's not because you have that new book Bossypants out and you wanted to boost your sales?

TF: Your blog has how many followers again?

LZ: One hundred and twenty.

TF: Are you supposed to say the "and"?

LZ: Probably not, but I felt it made it sound more adequate.

TF: Well, since we are on the subject of my book, have you read it?

LZ: Yes, I have...well, parts of it. Actually the front and back cover to be exact. It was while I was shopping in Target the other day. I'm happy to say that I'm number 155 in line to get it next from the library. So it looks like I should be able to finish reading it around July. That should make you feel good.

TF: Why because so many people are eager to not pay for it?

LZ: No, to show you how popular you are.

TF: Hmm, maybe I should do a reading at my local library.

LZ: Brilliant! See, we are working like a team already!

TF: Who said anything about a team?

LZ: Just me. So what cheese are you eating? Mines a 15 month old English cheddar. Sounds young for a human but that's pretty old for a cheese.


TF: Um, just a good, middle-aged Gouda.

LZ: And do you use an actual cheese knife?

TF: When I can. Cheese knives are so pretentious, don't you think?

LZ: Totally. I really feel like we are bonding.

TF: (takes another bite of her Gouda while humming. Neither denies nor confirms my statement. Therefore, it must mean "maybe". Fingers crossed.)

LZ: You know, I had the opportunity to be interviewed by Alec Baldwin about the limes...

TF: Who?

LZ: Don't worry, I turned him down. I just can't forgive him for cheating on Tess in Working Girl. Besides, he said he had a yachting tournament to attend. We both know it wouldn't have worked.

TF: He uses that one on me all the time. Yacht is code for "No way, Jose".

LZ: I'll remember that the next time I call.

TF: Back to the bag 'o limes (Tina does an awkward Irish jig in her recliner and we both giggle), how did you transport them?

LZ: Well, "lugging" would be a good word, Tina, also, "hoisting" could work. They were moderately heavy. I hoisted them into the back of my dented mini-van, on top of the stroller that I never take out and next to a ladybug kite that flaps in the wind every time I roll down the windows and adjacent to an old dirty diaper. Your breath never smells like you ate an old dirty diaper, does it Liz Lemon?

TF: So you were listening.

LZ: It's understood that I love 30 Rock. Who else would arrange for our Night Cheese platters?

TF: That was you? Genius, except it's not night time...

LZ: (Screaming like a toddler in my head) She called me "genius!!!"

TF: But no matter, I'm thinking of changing it to Anytime Cheese or Spontaneous Cheese.

LZ: Again, we are back to team work, and it feels good.

TF: I've got to admit, this could work.

LZ: I think I just peed a little.

TF: Well, your paying to have your recliner cleaned then.

LZ: Don't worry, I rented these from a prop store. It'll dry.

TF: You rented recliners?...for my house?

LZ: And?

TF: Cool.

LZ: I made a delightful Lime- Herb Rubbed Salmon out of the limes. Want to hear about it?

TF: Not really. I want to hear about the worst combination of foods you have ever eaten.

LZ: Chicken curry followed by a bowl of raisin bran, while pregnant.

TF: That's pretty bad.

LZ: The pregnant part only explains half of it.

TF: And the other half?

LZ: I'm not sure I follow.

TF: About the curry-raisin-bran combo?

LZ: I'm an enigma.

TF: Clearly.

LZ: So when do we start branching out in our BBQ bottling ventures?

TF: I was unaware...

LZ: You didn't get that memo?

TF: Firstly, I don't care for BBQ and secondly, I know nothing about bottling.


LZ: Schlemiel, schlimazel, (mumbles)...

TF and LZ: (in unison) INCORPORATED!

TF: Inspiring but I'm going to have to turn you down on the BBQ sauce.

LZ: Penny Marshall was at the top of her game!

TF: Really.

LZ: Okay, answer me this: Does Jack Donaghy love the microwave?

TF: Alright, you got me. I could always use something else to do. What do we name our sauce?

LZ: Two Hot Babes BBQ Sauce?

TF: Only one of us is hot.

LZ: Thanks, Tina. Okay, how about 30 Ribs BBQ Sauce?

TF: I get it...but, no.

LZ: You're the comedy writer, you think of something.

TF: Okay, sure, no problem. (eats yet another slice of cheese) How about "BBQ Blaster" and we put it in a squirt gun?

LZ: Kinda like Cheesy Blasters, but BBQ sauce?

TF: Um, yeah.

LZ: It's alright. I guess I was expecting more, Tina. I mean, you're the Tina Fey. You get paid millions, consequently billions to do this stuff. BBQ Blaster? I'll give you points for the the squirt gun.

TF: Thanks, I guess.

LZ: I think the next step is to get our hairnets on and get to work on making, what's it called again?

TF: (sheepishly) BBQ Blaster.

LZ: We're going to have to work on that Tina. I still like 30 Ribs.

TF: Okay, Bossypants.

~

Firstly, I must say, anything written on behalf of the fabulous Tina Fey, was not said by her at all. Just what I wish she were to say if we got to hang out.

And because I am a behind-the-scenes kind of girl, here's what went down while I was writing this nonsense:

I fixed a Batman mask, fed my kids breakfast, ate a bowl of raisin bran (what can I say, I love fiber...just about as much as I love cheese. Good thing too.), wrote a grocery list, broke up numerous sibling fights, knocked over the box of Cherrios, swept it up, stepped on several, said fake curse words in my frustration, looked up how to spell "yacht" and "Donaghy", let the kids watch too much television, said "no" to a Wiggles movie seventeen times, stubbed my toe, announced again that I need a pedicure, put my oldest son in his Buzz Lightyear costume, threatened to not let my kids have a cookie at Whole Foods if they didn't stop hitting each other, listened to 3 whining sessions and planned this weeks menu in my head. Tina is so worth it.

What would be the coolest thing ever? That Tina would read this. That she might Google herself and have the patience to go to the 89th page of Google search to read this post...and possibly ask me to do a guest appearance on 30 Rock or do the BBQ sauce thing. I'm up for whatever. I'm pretty sure there are six degrees of separation between us, I just don't know what they are.

Love Ya, Foodies!

P.s. Here's the recipe for the delicious Lime-Herb Rubbed Salmon I was trying to tell Tina about:

Lime-Herb Rubbed Salmon

generously feeds 2

zest of one lime
minced fresh herbs, I used rosemary, thyme and basil- handful of each
1/2 clove fresh garlic, grated on microplane or minced very finely
1-2 tbsp. olive oil

Mix all this together and make a paste. Apply it to approx. 3/4 lb. of fresh Wild Alaskan salmon (I used Sockeye). Let it set for a good 30 minutes.

Get your pan very hot over medium heat. Sprinkle salmon on both sides with salt and pepper. Sear on both sides for 3 min. each. Remove salmon and turn heat down. Add 1-2 tbsp. butter (depending on how bad you want to be) and let it melt in the pan, slightly browning. Squeeze the juice of 1/2 lime into the butter and quickly pour it over the salmon. I served it with a herb, soft polenta but it would be good with roasted potatoes or even some pasta.