Wednesday, December 1, 2010

She Saga: Pants and Cheap Wine

She stumbled into the kitchen and flipped on the light switch. Her sensitive blue eyes squinted hard as the light overwhelmed them. With one eye open, she scooted across the cold tile floor to her "finish line"- the coffee maker. She robotically measured out enough coffee for an extra large cup of the caffeine-infused stuff. She pressed the "on" button and walked back to her room hugging herself to keep warm. With her feet officially freezing, she jumped back into bed to toast while the coffee made it's gurgling and sputtering sounds- sounds that equalled her other eye opening up for the rest of the day.

Not wanting to leave the warmth of her bed, she delayed her coffee-retrieval until she was desperate- about a half an hour later. She dug out her favorite cup from the dishwasher of clean dishes. She poured the piping hot brew, then added sugar and creamer. She took a sip to taste it.

She returned to her cozy bed to imbibe her coffee and work on emails. Before she knew it, it was time to get the kids up.

She tossed her laptop off her lap, slid out of her bed and put on her hot pink, velour sweatpants. She took a final sip of her now lukewarm coffee- a last ditch effort to perk up her sluggish disposition.
She clunked up the two flights of stairs like a grizzly bear who had just awoken from a long winter's nap. Why am I so tired today? she wondered, but because of her lethargic mind, her thought disapated.

She cracked open the door to her daughter's room and was greeted by her chirpy, little voice. "Happy Tuesday, Mommy!" Her little Boo said the same thing everyday. She had a 1 in 7 chance of getting it right. Today just happened to be Tuesday. She yawned back, "Happy Tuesday, baby." She kissed her little, independent lady on her warm, sheet-wrinkled face.

She walked over to door number two, all the while trying to adjust her hot pink, I've-completely-given-up pants, because they felt strange and tight in the crotchal region. She never bothered to look at them, because it required too much thought and energy to gaze downward.

She was greeted at door number two, by her bouncing, oldest son, who had just peeled off his p.j.'s and was running around in his diaper with his feet still in the footie part of the footie pajamas. He ran towards her with his arms open-wide. He hugged her legs, without answering why he was half-naked. She hugged him back, while kissing the black curls on top of his head.

At door number three, she was greeted by her happily squealing, one year old. Her youngest always hugged her, while pressing his protruding teeth into her shoulder. She loved the way it felt. It was his special little hug. His diaper was soaked and he smelled like urine. Off to the tub with his siblings.

With the children bathed and fresh, they caravaned down the stairs for breakfast. The two oldest let the elderly, family dog outside while tossing treats out of his line of sight. Then they throned themselves on their booster seats to wait for one of two choices: cereal or oatmeal.

She asked them to wait patiently while she ran to the bathroom. Her coffee was now in her bladder. She sat down on the toilet. While she waited, her eyes met with her pants. Staring up at her was the back pocket of her hot pink lounge wear. That's why the crotch on my pants felt so weird! She felt a giggle bubbling up inside of her. It rushed to and out her mouth as she thought about how funny it was. She mused at the fact that she was no different from her children, who occasionally got shoes on the wrong feet, underwear on backwards or t-shirt inside out. She sat on the toilet for 30 seconds simply to laugh. It became so funny to her and why? She had no idea. It certainly wasn't THAT funny, but she continued to laugh anyways feeling as though she must need it- some sort of strange cleansing.

As her laughter died down and the impatient squawkings of her hungry children arose, it dawned on her that she drank two glasses of wine the night before, which was very uncustomary for her. Mainly for the reason that it always made her groggy the next day, hence her backwards pants. Mothering in a cloud was not her idea of fun. With the coffee finally kicking in and bladder empty, she exited the bathroom with a big smile on her face and her pants facing the right direction.

Okay, so the above was based on actual events and this wine.

I'm not going to call this a wine review ('cause it's not), but more like a wine deal alert. This Three Wishes Chardonnay is very inexpensive and pretty darn tasty. At our Whole Foods Market, it's selling for $2.99 a bottle and $33 for a case! If you're doing some big holiday entertaining, this is the way to go. I think your guests would enjoy it and it would pair nicely with just about anything. I mean at that price, who really cares? It also works well for parents who are on a budget but still like to get tipsy on a decent wine, ehmm.

Love ya, Foodies.


  1. If that wine makes my crotch feel funny I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I think I better stick to Mommies Time Out wine. You are a silly goose.

  2. Score! love ya girl! good stories, great info! ;)

  3. She must be so proud when it is actually Tuesday! (If you tell her, lol)...Too funny about the pants:)

  4. hehehe I loved this post! Your stories are always so fun to read. I can sympathize with your funky-fitting sweatpants, too. Whenever I procrastinate the laundry I end up stuck in a pair of way-too-big yoga pants for half a day. Although I don't wear them backwards. :D

  5. I wasn't sure whether this was a review for hot pink velour pants or cheap wine (which you clarified it wasn't), but whichever, it made me chuckle! Your children sound adorable, and you sounded like you got them all ready in the morning without even batting an eyelid... testament to your boundless energy and the Happy Tuesday it must've been ;-)

  6. I love your posts they're so creative. I couldn't stop laughing, and you're children sound so adorable.

  7. I'm still laughing over "my completely-given-up pants". You need to coin that phrase, stat. Very cute story. Sometimes you just gotta laugh!

  8. Oh dude, I have days like that all the time, even without wine the night before! I was just waiting to find out that you had them on backwards or inside out or upside down or something.
    "Happy Tuesday" is adorable. Wish my older ones would do that instead of bickering and fighting first thing in the morning!

  9. Love this. You are a girl after my own heart. I am all about great stories and cheap wine. You brought such a big smile to my face. Thank you for sharing with me. Have a love-filled weekend!

  10. Cute Lauren!
    And I'm going to WF today, I'll keep an eye out for the wine, thanks!

  11. Looking forward to a trip to Whole Foods tomorrow. I'm a sucker for deal busters. Oh, and I added you to my blogroll :) Your posts always bring a smile.

  12. Ahahaha! I wore inside-out workout pants to the gym over the weekend. Had no wine to blame for it though, sadly! :) Love a shoestring budget wine too! Tx for sharing. Cheers, Michelle


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